Herbivore, or My Lifelong Struggle with Meat

In a perfect world I would be a vegetarian. Wait; that should read: If I had self control, I would be a vegetarian. I’ve had a very strange relationship with meat throughout my life, and sometimes I don’t even understand it.

I grew up with a strong love for animals, and when I was old enough to realize what I was putting in my mouth was Elsie the cow, it was like I had just overheard someone saying that Santa Claus wasn’t real. This epiphany was so upsetting that I prayed to God to forgive me (besides being neurotic, I was also an extremely religious kid – I used to pray the rosary and I’m not Catholic – but that’s another tangent). At ten years old, I decided to become a vegetarian.

It wasn’t a very hard transition for me. I was never overly crazy about meat. My grandma says that when she used to take me to McDonald’s, I wouldn’t touch my hamburger from my Happy Meal; I’d just wave the fries around and eat them one-by-one. However, I realize now what a transition it was for my mom. There were many nights that she made two dinners: roast beef and vegetables for my dad and sister, and noodles and butter for me. I discovered the wonders of carbohydrates and cheese during that time. I recently thanked my mom for her culinary efforts and asked how she put up with me, and in her typical School Counselor Way, she said that because I was such a sensitive child, she knew she couldn’t make a big deal out of it. She knew that would make me feel guilty and think something was wrong with me. Ha! I found other ways to do that, mom.

My vegetarian stint continued for at least three years. But it got to be too much of a pain. I would spend the night at my friends’ houses, and their parents would cook us steak for dinner. And because I am naturally a people-pleaser, I wouldn’t want to appear rude by refusing their food. Sometimes my friends would tell their parents beforehand that I wouldn’t be eating meat, and they’d act like it was a huge burden. Like there was nothing else in the world they knew to give me except ribs. I finally grew tired of being the inconvenient one. I don’t think people realize how much nagging vegetarians get!

So here I am now. I still have issues eating meat. I feel guilty about it much of the time and sometimes consider going back to being a vegetarian, but I know that if I were to do that, I’d eat way too many carbs.

Many people have suggested that I just eat “fake” meat products, and I do. I love black bean burgers and veggie hotdogs, but sometimes I just crave chicken strips. Oh, and Chicken Fajita Pitas from Jack ‘n the Box – those things are orgasmic. Besides Chik Fil-A, it’s the only fast food meat I’ll eat. I’ve had three in the past week, and I’m thinking I should just set up direct deposit with Jack ‘n the Box because that’s where a lot of my money has been going recently.

So there you have a glimpse of the conflict that goes on in my head. As I’ve said before, I’m a lot of fun.

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Tags: diet, meat, vegetarian

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